i can look at the window as if i’m sitting outside

but my body knows that is not the truth. i’ll forget

the truth about the boys i know don’t really think

that i’m smart and the girls who only tell me i’m

pretty so i’ll walk next to them so they feel better.

i wonder how many times i’ll play the same slot until

i realize i’m never going to win.
  

when will i learn that the pain doesn’t end?